Sonic War

I just got back from the No Fear ‘09 tour in Columbus this morning. It was beautiful, glorious brutality at its absolute finest; Even my bones are sore. Lamb of God headlined, supported by As I Lay Dying (awesome show, it was my first time ever hearing them), Children of Bodom, God Forbid, and my new favorite band, Municipal Waste. Lamb of God’s show was sublime. I was listening to music I love standing about fifteen feet away from my heroes, with thousands of people smashing into me on either side and strobe lights blazing. I even got a bitchin’ shirt and a couple blooming bruises out of it. Despite how awesome the show was, it was hard not to take notice of the people around me and just how low the dregs of society have sunk today.

Listen, folks. There are a few basic rules of mosh pits that should be followed at all times. Most of them have to do with safety, others have to do with not being a dick. They are as follows (partial help from WikiHow):

1. The first, and ABSOLUTE foremost rule of any mosh pit: If somebody around you falls down or drops to a knee or loses their balance in any way, STOP. Stop what you are doing, stop ramming into them, and lift them up onto their feet. This especially goes for crowd surfers who fall and run the risk of being trampled.
2. Protect your spot and don’t let pushers through, but if someone is trying to get to the edge of the pit, let them out. Part ways for them and let them get to the edge quickly. You might lose your sweet third row spot, but it’s worth saving somebody from passing out or getting hurt.
3. Don’t drink so excessively that you’re going to puke on the people around you.
4. Know the dynamics of the area you’re in. If you’re in the circle pit, feel free to smash into people. If you’re in the back of the room where people are standing to drink, take pictures, or talk, Don’t slam dance, karate mosh, or generally act like an idiot. The only better way to get your ass kicked at a show is discussed in rule #8.
5. Watch your head. Getting kicked in the head by a crowdsurfer is nobody’s fault but your own (I learned this the hard way. Combat boots hurt), and as a member of the pit it’s your obligation to assist the crowd surfer in getting to the event staff up front who will catch them and put them down safely.
6. If find yourself in a circle pit, get involved. Don’t run into people with their backs turned towards the stage.
7. Fat people should not crowd surf.
8. For fuck’s sake, do NOT cop a feel on the females in the pit around you, even if they’re flashing. You will be jumped by pretty much everybody around you, instantly.
9. Guys with Girlfriends: If you have a girlfriend who you’re very protective of and don’t want other guys touching, DON’T BRING HER INTO THE PIT. If she wants to mosh, Don’t be a Boy Scout. Boy-Scouting is the act of spooning your significant other in the middle of a mosh pit, actively trying to push people away from her, and shooting dickish glares or even threatening any male who so much as brushes her arm. Just don’t do it. This is possibly the most annoying thing in any pit and you will be targeted if you’re an excessive ass about it.
10. Don’t throw shit at the band. This can sometimes lead to a joke by the band (Someone through a full water bottle at Randy Blythe of Lamb of God last night. His response was “You missed. You’re obviously not here at OSU on a fuckin’ baseball scholarship”), but other bands will take it more personally, especially if it’s consistent. Bands have been known to walk off the stage for excessive heckling. Don’t make the show a negative experience for everybody around you.

Typically, metalheads know these rules. You will never find a more courteous, gentile group of young men than in a mosh pit at a metal show. The more popular the band, the more new moshers you will have at the show, and the easier it will be to find people breaking these rules.

What fine, young gentlemen.

It’s amazingly fun to let out all your frustrations with thousands of others, listening to music that gets your heart racing and screaming your head off. Don’t let the rage become real, though.

Speaking of Rage…

The New Jersey Devils vs. Carolina Hurricanes playoff series took an interesting turn last night. Carolina scored three goals in the first two periods and New Jersey scored only one. In the third period, my Devils came back and scored two to tie up the game. In the final seconds of the game, my God, my hero, my idol Martin Brodeur stopped a shot by Carolina Left Wing Jussi Jokinen. Jokinen took up position next to the net and the puck was passed back to the blue line. Hurricanes Defensemen Dennis Seidenberg took a massive slapshot at the net, which bounced off Jokinen’s skate and into the net. Brodeur shot up instantly and confronted the referee, claiming goaltender interference. He believed that during his slide across the crease to the outside, Jokinen bumped into him and forced him out of position. After the goal was reviewed and the referee ruled it legal, Brodeur stormed off the ice and, well, did this:

He later apologized for the outburst after being confronted by his youngest daughter. I understand how emotions can run wild in such high pressure games. The interference call was never made and the goal was legal. The series is now tied at 2-2 with the next game on Thursday night. It will be on New Jersey Ice, and hopefully they will be able to rally and pull a win out of this series. Go Devs, Go!